Dear Friends in the Faith:
Not long ago while in Kroger I spoke to a sister that was on my aisle. She looked up with a grim disposition and a partial smile. When we got to the checkout stand she said, "You're Pastor Adolph aren't you?" And of course I answered yes. She then asked me an ontological question that has theological roots and sociological fruit. Here's what she asked me while getting a basket full of grocery to feed her two kids "Why do I keep getting hurt? I am a good sista and I desire a committed relationship, but I just keep getting hurt over and over again."
I have nearly 4,000 Facebook Friends and I have noticed that when it comes to relationships many of my female Facebook Friends will list themselves under the "Relationship" category in very interesting way. They do not say that they are engaged, they do not say that they dating, they list their relationship status as "COMPLICATED." In my opinion it is just another way of saying "I have been hurt before in relationships and I am trying to make sure that I don't put myself in that position again."
I cannot count the number of beautiful sisters that I have counseled in the private chambers of my office that have been seriously wounded in a relationship, trying to love a man that will not love them back nor give them the love that they deserve. The tears from my office could run a 26 mile marathon. The hurt is real and it runs deep. But, all of the damage is NOT the fault of a no good man that sought to take advantage of a good sista. In fact, most of it is not. All too often good sista's get hurt because of relational error and lack of applied positional principle that leads them to abyss of relational hell every single time.
Please know that such a story is not uncommon. There is a woman found on the pages of Holy Writ that got hurt and she too was a good sista. Here is how the story flows, "And he (Abram) went in unto Hagar, and she conceived: and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes. And Sarai said unto Abram, My wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid into thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the LORD judge between me and thee. But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thy hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face" (Gen. 16:4-6, KJV).
Not long ago while in Kroger I spoke to a sister that was on my aisle. She looked up with a grim disposition and a partial smile. When we got to the checkout stand she said, "You're Pastor Adolph aren't you?" And of course I answered yes. She then asked me an ontological question that has theological roots and sociological fruit. Here's what she asked me while getting a basket full of grocery to feed her two kids "Why do I keep getting hurt? I am a good sista and I desire a committed relationship, but I just keep getting hurt over and over again."
I have nearly 4,000 Facebook Friends and I have noticed that when it comes to relationships many of my female Facebook Friends will list themselves under the "Relationship" category in very interesting way. They do not say that they are engaged, they do not say that they dating, they list their relationship status as "COMPLICATED." In my opinion it is just another way of saying "I have been hurt before in relationships and I am trying to make sure that I don't put myself in that position again."
I cannot count the number of beautiful sisters that I have counseled in the private chambers of my office that have been seriously wounded in a relationship, trying to love a man that will not love them back nor give them the love that they deserve. The tears from my office could run a 26 mile marathon. The hurt is real and it runs deep. But, all of the damage is NOT the fault of a no good man that sought to take advantage of a good sista. In fact, most of it is not. All too often good sista's get hurt because of relational error and lack of applied positional principle that leads them to abyss of relational hell every single time.
Please know that such a story is not uncommon. There is a woman found on the pages of Holy Writ that got hurt and she too was a good sista. Here is how the story flows, "And he (Abram) went in unto Hagar, and she conceived: and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes. And Sarai said unto Abram, My wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid into thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the LORD judge between me and thee. But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thy hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face" (Gen. 16:4-6, KJV).
There is no doubt that Hagar was a good sista but she got hurt for the same reason that many good sista's today are wounded in relationships. So why do some good sista's get hurt?
The first reason that good sista's get hurt is because they fall in love with a man that is what they like but is not what they really need. There is a documentary on YouTube that features five beautiful sista's that are well educated, financially solvent and well to do. Their problem is that they cannot find a compatible mate. As I listened to them discuss what they wanted in a man I was clear on one thing. Not one of them knew what to look for. Please hear this, what you like and what God wants you to have are not always the same thing! In fact, in many instances they are quite different. Hagar makes a common mistake that I have found in good sista's everywhere. She falls for a man that is not husband material. Remember this please, if God has not made a man a husband before you get to him a sista, (no matter how good she is) will make him one.
Secondly, good sista's get hurt because they settle for temporary satisfaction instead demanding a lifetime of love. Here's the real truth of the matter, sista's are guilty of settling! Please remember this, if you learn to settle you will always get what you have settled for so don't be upset with what you have settled with! Settling is very dangerous and it makes a woman look desperate. Hold to your standards and never ever compromise them for any reason. Hagar settles for another woman’s husband. A disaster from the start. But, there are others that settle for various reasons. Some sistas settle for a man that is not saved, but is good looking. Still others settle for a brother that is broke and is headed nowhere and wants to take you with him. And, there are even more that settle for a man that will never make a full commitment to you. So they end up being the special day woman or a part-time love. Remember this, if you settle you will get what you have settled for!
Thirdly, good sista's get hurt because they give too much of themselves too soon. Okay let's cut through the chase and just say it, we are having a promiscuity problem. This is not the case in every circumstance. But, in most cases the problem is sex too soon. Here's the best advice that I could give any godly woman that desires God's best for their lives, keep your dress down, your pants up, and never put yourself in a position for your moral virtue to be compromised! If Hagar had done this, her life would have avoided the hurt of having a baby out of wed lock for a man that would never marry her in the first place. Sista's if a man needs a license to ride a motor cycle he should have a license if he wants to go for a ride with you! NO FREE RIDES! NO TEST DRIVES! NO TEST RUNS! Remember this, if you treat yourself like a treasure, then men that dare come near you would treat you like a treasure too! Treasure your body and if he wants to play, get a license and make him stay!
Lastly, good sista's get hurt because they allow themselves to be engulfed in relationships that are bad from the start. The worse lie that you will ever believe is the one that you will convince yourself is true. Do not ignore the warning signs in a relationship and then come unglued when things fall apart. Hagar knew that Abram was married, but she ignored all of the signs. She got caught up! Please hear this, sista's often get hurt because they get caught up! Here's some life saving advice, open your eyes and observe. Open your ears and listen. Jesus put it like this, "...watch and pray..." In almost every case, sista's that got hurt knew what they were dealing with before they got hurt. For some crazy reason they thought that things would be different with them! Remember this, whatever a person does with you they will soon do to you. It is only a matter of time before it happens! So get this, don't get caught up in something that you can see the warning signs of ruin in from the beginning.
Your Friend and His Servant,
Dr. John R. Adolph
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