Why Some Good Sistas Get Hurt!!!

Dear Friends in the Faith:

Not long ago while in Kroger I spoke to a sister that was on my aisle. She looked up with a grim disposition and a partial smile. When we got to the checkout stand she said, "You're Pastor Adolph aren't you?" And of course I answered yes. She then asked me an ontological question that has theological roots and sociological fruit. Here's what she asked me while getting a basket full of grocery to feed her two kids "Why do I keep getting hurt? I am a good sista and I desire a committed relationship, but I just keep getting hurt over and over again."

I have nearly 4,000 Facebook Friends and I have noticed that when it comes to relationships many of my female Facebook Friends will list themselves under the "Relationship" category in very interesting way. They do not say that they are engaged, they do not say that they dating, they list their relationship status as "COMPLICATED." In my opinion it is just another way of saying "I have been hurt before in relationships and I am trying to make sure that I don't put myself in that position again."

I cannot count the number of beautiful sisters that I have counseled in the private chambers of my office that have been seriously wounded in a relationship, trying to love a man that will not love them back nor give them the love that they deserve. The tears from my office could run a 26 mile marathon. The hurt is real and it runs deep. But, all of the damage is NOT the fault of a no good man that sought to take advantage of a good sista. In fact, most of it is not. All too often good sista's get hurt because of relational error and lack of applied positional principle that leads them to abyss of relational hell every single time.

Please know that such a story is not uncommon. There is a woman found on the pages of Holy Writ that got hurt and she too was a good sista. Here is how the story flows, "And he (Abram) went in unto Hagar, and she conceived: and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes. And Sarai said unto Abram, My wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid into thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the LORD judge between me and thee. But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thy hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face" (Gen. 16:4-6, KJV).

There is no doubt that Hagar was a good sista but she got hurt for the same reason that many good sista's today are wounded in relationships. So why do some good sista's get hurt?

The first reason that good sista's get hurt is because they fall in love with a man that is what they like but is not what they really need. There is a documentary on YouTube that features five beautiful sista's that are well educated, financially solvent and well to do. Their problem is that they cannot find a compatible mate. As I listened to them discuss what they wanted in a man I was clear on one thing. Not one of them knew what to look for. Please hear this, what you like and what God wants you to have are not always the same thing! In fact, in many instances they are quite different. Hagar makes a common mistake that I have found in good sista's everywhere. She falls for a man that is not husband material. Remember this please, if God has not made a man a husband before you get to him a sista, (no matter how good she is) will make him one.

Secondly, good sista's get hurt because they settle for temporary satisfaction instead demanding a lifetime of love. Here's the real truth of the matter, sista's are guilty of settling! Please remember this, if you learn to settle you will always get what you have settled for so don't be upset with what you have settled with! Settling is very dangerous and it makes a woman look desperate. Hold to your standards and never ever compromise them for any reason. Hagar settles for another woman’s husband. A disaster from the start. But, there are others that settle for various reasons. Some sistas settle for a man that is not saved, but is good looking. Still others settle for a brother that is broke and is headed nowhere and wants to take you with him. And, there are even more that settle for a man that will never make a full commitment to you. So they end up being the special day woman or a part-time love. Remember this, if you settle you will get what you have settled for!

Thirdly, good sista's get hurt because they give too much of themselves too soon. Okay let's cut through the chase and just say it, we are having a promiscuity problem. This is not the case in every circumstance. But, in most cases the problem is sex too soon. Here's the best advice that I could give any godly woman that desires God's best for their lives, keep your dress down, your pants up, and never put yourself in a position for your moral virtue to be compromised! If Hagar had done this, her life would have avoided the hurt of having a baby out of wed lock for a man that would never marry her in the first place. Sista's if a man needs a license to ride a motor cycle he should have a license if he wants to go for a ride with you! NO FREE RIDES! NO TEST DRIVES! NO TEST RUNS! Remember this, if you treat yourself like a treasure, then men that dare come near you would treat you like a treasure too! Treasure your body and if he wants to play, get a license and make him stay!

Lastly, good sista's get hurt because they allow themselves to be engulfed in relationships that are bad from the start. The worse lie that you will ever believe is the one that you will convince yourself is true. Do not ignore the warning signs in a relationship and then come unglued when things fall apart. Hagar knew that Abram was married, but she ignored all of the signs. She got caught up! Please hear this, sista's often get hurt because they get caught up! Here's some life saving advice, open your eyes and observe. Open your ears and listen. Jesus put it like this, "...watch and pray..." In almost every case, sista's that got hurt knew what they were dealing with before they got hurt. For some crazy reason they thought that things would be different with them! Remember this, whatever a person does with you they will soon do to you. It is only a matter of time before it happens! So get this, don't get caught up in something that you can see the warning signs of ruin in from the beginning.

Your Friend and His Servant,


Dr. John R. Adolph

I Need A Do Over!!!

Dear Friends in the Faith:

Back in the day life things were different. We ate fish every Friday, the ice cream man came by at least once every evening, and the games we played involved everyone. No we did not have a Wii or a play station. But, we played non-the-less. Do you know what I mean? We played "Red Light, Green Light", "Simon Says", "Jacks", "Marbles", "Street Baseball", "Freeze", "Tag", "Hide and Seek (ready or not here I come), "Street Basketball (with a piece of ply wood nailed to a tree with a bicycle rim for a hoop)", Street Football (touch in the street and tackle in the grass), "Dodge Ball", and "Kick Ball".

Now I loved playing Kick Ball the most because every now and then you would miss your kick. And when you would miss your kick or mess everything up you could ask for a do-over! Yeah, you could get another chance to get it right. I mention this as we share this devotional moment together because as we start the year of 2010 some of us need a do-over. If you were broke last year and you are starting off this year broke, you need a do over. If you were involved in a bad relationship last year and you stayed just because you did not want to be by yourself, you need a do over. If you are losing ground spiritually and you have lost your spiritual fire and some of your old habits that you thought were dead are starting to come back on you like a yo-yo on a short string, you need a do-over. And, if you are ready for this year to be better than last year was, then what you need is a do-over!

If you need a do-over, do not be embarrassed. You are actually in great company. The Bible is loaded with people that needed a do-over. Adam needed a do-over when he ate the forbidden fruit; Eve needed a do-over when the serpent got her to disobey God; Abram needed a do-over when he lied about Sarai to Pharoh; Noah needed a do-over when he got drunk after the flood; David needed a do-over he had sex with Basheba; and Solomon needed a do-over when he realized that no matter how many women he had none of them could love him like God could. Here's a good question for you. Do you need a do-over? Here's a good do-over verse for you to consider. Psalms 116:12-13 says, "What shall I render unto the Lord for all of His benefits towards me? I will take the cup of salvation and call upon the name of the Lord." So how can you get God to let you have a do-over?

You get a do-over by acknowledging that you need one. Being lied to can really hurt your feelings. But, it is even worse when you're the giver and the receiver of the fallacy. May I ask, have you ever lied to yourself? There should come a moment in your life when the truth makes you realize that you owe God because He has given you more do-overs that you could ever have imagined, And total honesty (if you don't lie to yourself) says you need another one right now! The passage says "What shall I render unto the Lord for all of His benefits towards me..." The question is a probing interrogative that suggest that there is a debt owed and the only way to pay it is to be honest enough to admit that you need owe a favor to the source that you got your last favor from. Do you need more favor from God this year than you got last year? Then hear this, admit to God that you need a do-over!

You get a go-over by accepting what God has to offer. The Lord offers salvation to those who believe on Him. Contrary to popular opinions about God, He has much more to offer than money, material possessions, and mansions that look like the homes on MTV Cribs! He offers healing for the sick, hope for the hurting, strength for the weak, light for those that are trapped in darkness, and salvation for those need deliverance. If we were to be completely honest, all of us have at least one habit that we need to get rid of. And we get rid of it, by taking the cup. The passage calls it the "...cup of salvation..." It is the sweetest cup in the world! In this cup is an empty cross, a vacant tomb, the blood of the Lamb, and a power that takes what you used to be to redemptively create what God has called you to be. If you need a do-over you have to accept the cup!

And lastly, you get a do-over by admonishing the Lord in public. There are those of us that treat God like an ugly blind date that's loaded with money. He's okay to pay bills and help us out in private, but He is not really worth being seen with in public. Here's a good question for you. If you were in a room full of unbelievers would they know that Jesus is the love of your life? The passage says that we are to "...call upon the name of the Lord." This phrase is a premeditated praise offered to God where others can see you and know that you are blessing Him. In short, when you need a do-over you have to praise God in public like you want Him to bless you in private. I dare you to do it right where you are right now! Do it with your heart on Him, your hands lifted to Him, and your spirit lifted towards Him! Your do-over depends on it!

There are two types of people reading this message right now. Those that have had a do-over and those that needs one. Now if you have had one you should help me spread the word. We serve a God that allows do-overs! And if you need a do-over I have even better news for you. God is still letting people start over! And this includes you and the year that lies before you right now! Your do-over is up to you!!!

Your Friend and His Servant,


Dr. John R. Adolph

Dr. Adolph's Book Signing - "I'm Coming Out of This" @ Barnes & Nobles

To My Friends in the Faith!

Thank you is just not enough to say for all that your presence meant to me on Saturday, June 9, 2010!!! To look at what the Lord has done in my life is a miracle. And, for you to share this miracle with me is an overwhelming blessing. From the depths of my soul, from the annals of my intellect and from the bottom of my heart please accept this whisper of gratitude that I yield to you....thank you!!!!

Special thanks to my loving wife Dorrie, my kids Sumone and Jonathan, my adopted kids Melba and Candice, my office staff, members and dear friends that drove all the way from Houston, Texas, and other parts of the state just to share this momentous occasion with me. And, most of all I give God all of the glory, honor, praise and adoration for what He has done in the life He has given me.

Again I say, thank you!!!

Your Friend and His Servant,

Dr. John R. Adolph

What's To Come Is Better Than What's Been!

Dear Friends in the Faith:

New Year's Resolutions have never really worked. It is because the word resolution means come full circle or to resolve. Thus, every time you do a resolution you end up right back where you started from in the beginning. But, what is more important than a resolution is a revelation. The reason why a revelation is so much more important is because it means to reveal or to disclose. It means to make known.

Now there have been people who have tried to see into your future. Tarot cards readers, astrology guru's, soothsayers, voodoo priests and the like have tried their best to see what the future holds for you. But please hear this, the only way for you to get a good portrait of your future is from the God that gave you your life to begin with! In short, the only revelation that you really need will come from Jesus Christ! Here's the revelation that you need to begin your year with. Place this in your spirit and hide it in your heart, what's to come is better than what's been!

Are you shouting yet? Well, if you are not King David can help you with it. When the King saw the return of the Ark of the Covenant to Israel he celebrated all over the city. Here's what the scripture says, "And David danced before the LORD with all his might; and David was girded with a linen ephod. So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the LORD with shouting, and with the sound of the trumpet" (2 Sam. 6:14-15, KJV). So how can you be for certain that the best is still yet to come?

You know that what's to come is better than what's been because God has helped you with at least one problem that only He could fix. Okay, let's be honest for a moment. The year of 09 was was a breeze for some of you sharing this devotional moment right now. To you we say, "God bless you." But, for everyone else 09 was filled with ups and downs, crazy moments, and the only way that you were able to make it to see a new year was with the help of almighty God! It's what has happened to David. The Ark has been missing from Israel for 100 years. It was a problem that David could not fix with his human hands. But, that hand of God fixed so that the people of God would know that what's to come would be better than what's been! Can I ask you a question? Did God fix just one thing for you all of last year? If He did it for you that was His way of saying your tomorrow will be brighter than your yesterday!

Secondly, you know that things are going to get better because you have a presence with you right now that only God can provide. Do you really think that you made through 12 months, 52 weeks, 8766 hours, and 525600 minutes just because you made all the right choices and the best decisions? I hope that you realize that you made it through all of last year simply because the presence of the Lord was with you all year long. It is what happens in the passage. The Ark of the Covenant was a wooden box that was over laid with gold that had two golden angels’ seats on top of it. Inside of the box there was Aaron's rod that budded (it represented the protection of God), the tablets of Moses (it represented the principles of God), and the manna that came from heaven (it represented the provisions of God). In short, the one box represented the very presence of God! And when the presence of God was with His people they shouted because they knew that nothing that was ahead of them was greater than the God that was with them! In short, they knew that the future was bright because the Lord was on their side!

And, lastly you know that what's to come is better than what's been when you thank God for what's going to take place before it ever happens. David is dancing and the people are shouting. In fact, the word shout here in the Hebrew is tee-roo-ah. And, it means to shake. Thus, when you thank God for what He is going to do you should shout until something shakes! It is what happened in Israel and it is what should happen right now as we start the year of 2010 together. You know that it going to be better because your praise is given to Him in advance. I know, it sounds silly right? But, I promise you, if David who was a King could shout like he was a servant, you too can praise the Lord like you ready for His blessings to flow in your life like a river that is running over its banks! Let me ask you a question, how would you respond to God for keeping you an entire year? Bless Him like that right now because your best days are yet come!!!

Here's is your New Year's Revelation that comes from the Lord, what's to come is better than what's been! This is about to be the best year of your entire life! Give God the glory for it right now and know that last year was your time of testing and this year will be your season of blessing!

Your Friend and His Servant,


Dr. John R. Adolph